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What Would Sarah Do? (Our Matriarch Weighs in on How-Tos of Queer Acceptance

    Hello World!  Here I am at home in New Haven with my bashert and bubelah--otherwise known as my beloved wife Pilar.  She's been sitting on the couch in the living room of the third floor of our house playing a game called Dragon Age Origins.  I like in an abstract fashion that the women characters (avatars?) in this game do not appear to be idiot door mats or compensatory fantasy goddesses, and you can tell that I have a nice marriage because my wife doesn't demand that I play these games with her and her friends.   Earlier, I went grocery shopping (I'm good at this and can keep huge lists in my head for us and for the rest of our family) and Pilar made red lentil soup with coriander.  I've fed our three cats (who live in the basement because I have a medium sized allergy) and can state, with pride and relief, that I have finished our taxes, done the monthly bills, and made a list of minor repairs around the house that I'll actually do over the weekend.  Furthermore, my mother-in-law and father-in-law (hi, Linda! Hi, Ed!) adore us, as do my brother-in-law and sister-in-law (Hi, Eben! Hi, Kerry!) and, as for my own native-born family, they have always adored their own Corinne, and, according to their version of Republican Party ideology, only the Democrats could ever dare to deny queers their full Constituional rights.  As my Aunt Helen has never tired of reminding anyone, Barry Goldwater was the first major American politician to support gay rights.  You have to love this country.  Have to!

     So, this is my household.  I must apologize if there is nothing here to arouse investigation or moral shock--unless you feel that one ceiling fixture in one rear stairwell in need of two fresh light bulbs is a case for the State Attorney's General's Office.  

    However, as I am aware that I live in a country in which a still sizable percentage of my fellow or sister citizens believe that I, as a queer, am an immoral miscreant, and that whether or not I am a Jew cannot matter because what in the name of Christendom is Judaism anyhow, I welcome you to this installment of What Would Sarah Do?
     Recently, poring over Bereshit (Genesis) I asked our Matriarch advice on how to deal with the contradiction between the placid life I and my wife, family and household actually do lead and public perceptions of how "my kind" lead their lives.  Sarah responded with the following words of wisdom, from one with plenty of experience negotiating between the perceptions of the locals and herself, her husband, and their train as the outsiders.   

     How to Promote Acceptance of Queers by Coming Out as a Traditional (Boring) Jewish Queer:

       1.  When asked about Sodom and Gomorrah, offer to share your favorite recipe for chicken matzo ball soup.

       2.  When asked if you were "born that way," look down modestly and reply that only your mother was present on that joyous occasion.

      3.  When asked if it isn't true that most queers are alcoholics, tell them the stock Jewish joke about kosher wine.

     4.  When asked if it isn't true that queers are a threat to family values, invite them over to your house for a traditional Jewish Shabbos dinner.  After the sixth Zemirot they will never dare ask you that question again.
      5.  When asked what would your Jewish grandmother think of your queer identity, tell the following joke.  A Jewish gay man decides to introduce his gay boyfriend to his Jewish grandmother.  The boyfriend happens to be a goy.  His Jewish grandmother takes her grandson aside and asks him, "What?  You couldn't find a nice Jewish boy?"